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That whole "bi" thing-for Queer Narratives

This is very short, but it's first person and definitely about issues that seem to come up in my life.




So. There was this girl.

It's amazing, isn't it. That's an opening everyone can sit back and enjoy.

There was this girl.

She was attractive, she was smart. We talked easily, we laughed. You know how it is, when you're interested in someone, and they (miraculously, it seems sometimes) are interested in return. It was that way. Nice, sweet, warm.

It could have been something.

Today, I couldn't tell you her name if you threatened me.

We were out with friends. We were connected that night through a complicated mix of people who knew someone who knew someone, etc. It was a warmish night. She had a nose ring. It was cute.

She told me how long she'd been out as a lesbian, and I told her how long I'd been out as a bisexual.

And the light of interest died in her eyes.

She didn't date bi girls. She was afraid, of course. Afraid she'd fall for me and then I'd find someone else. Not just someone like another woman, either. I could leave her for anyone. Even some guy.

I actually swore off men for awhile. Yup. I had some bad experiences. And every time I met a girl, my honesty required, god-damned *required* me to say, "Well, I'm bi." Women I told that to didn't want to hear that. Of course, I later discovered (though of course I knew on an intellectual level) that straight men often think that's the coolest thing ever. "You're into girls, too? Awesome!" Men like to check out women with their girlfriend. Hell, I'd get a kick out of checking out guys with a boyfriend, so why not?

I hope she found a nice girl. It's odd for me. I rarely think in terms of gender, unless I'm specifically thinking about someone else. You know. I hope my gay best friend finds a nice guy. I hope the straight people I know find nice people of opposite genders. Things like that. When I think in terms of myself, I always think "I hope for someone nice".

My husband is nice. My husband is straight, but he doesn't act like there's anything wrong with me for checking out men and women. Sure, he can't appreciate a pretty male face the way I can, but he doesn't judge me for it.

It's nice not to be judged.

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
queerwrites
Mar. 16th, 2009 04:23 am (UTC)
Thanks for posting this at Queer Narratives!
I'm glad you like the comm idea. I wasn't sure if anyone would post, but slowly more and more posts appear :)
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )